Running into a (straight?) ex of yours

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I experienced this today. I ran into an ex of mine. I was out in the city running errands. I recognized my ex as a cashier at the store I was in. I was tempted to pull the guy behind me in line and tell him to go next when she annouced that she was ready for the next person. That would have been childish, I know.

I stepped forwards, and said hello to her. I was all bundled up in winter clothing. My ex was ringing some purchases into a till. I kept my head down and hoped she didn’t see me. Was this childish of me? Perhaps. Maybe she didn’t recognize me.

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(PhotoCredit: IvyLeagueInsecurities)

Years ago, she was the second female I ended up dating. We were friends while I dated someone else. When my relationship ended, we became closer friends. We started dating soon after. She went through the whole, “I love you. I’m gay, be my girlfriend.” to “You’re never there for me” (we lived over an hour apart). Our relationship progressed and in the second month of dating I met her parents who seemed nice but couldn’t believe their daughter was dating a young woman instead of a young man. We went out together on dates,held hands and did all the other things couples do. Some people where we lived called us dykes when they saw us holding hands (I love how mature men can sometimes be). Some guy tried to tell me to grow my hair out to be more beautiful. My girlfriend then stopped texting me. Communication became very difficult and she was not able to have conversations face to face. It became a very dysfunctional relationship, and our communication was so poor she was not even able to speak with me via text about her feelings. It was “I dunno” every time I asked a question even when I was trying to be gentle asking things. When I asked if she wanted to break up, it was “no”. I don’t want to assume she cheated on me, but I know that I couldn’t deal with a relationship like that. When she told me she needed a break finally, I was able to grieve. Hey, I was young, and it was my second same sex relationship. Kind of intense. She left me with “I need a break” and I knew what that meant even though it should have been said like “I am breaking up with you” to show finality.

Well anyway, I said hello to her. To me, she looked the same. I wonder if she recognized me, if I would look the same to her? I think some times we are snap shots in the lives of one another for a reason. We are there to teach each other things about ourselves, other people or find meaning in different ways. She played a snapshot part in my life, and now I can say that I am not the same young woman that I was when I dated her years ago. I know that I’ve grown.

Sometimes I think back and wonder how my exes are doing. Most of my past relationships involving exes that left me heartbroken, I still wish them well. They played a part in my life. I played a part in theirs. We went our separate ways and have (hopefully) grown into something better.

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You and me + three: Dating a woman with kids

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As soon as I knew that I was falling for the woman I’m dating now, I knew my life would be different. I am not only dating her, but I am dating her children as well, in the sense that I am an adult involved in their lives.

I have never felt so conflicted. I feel inadequate, stressed and blessed simultaneously. There are times when I wonder what I have gotten myself into. I am in my 20s, and I still haven’t fully reached my dreams or what I want to do as a professional in this world. I am dating a woman who is older. I am dating a woman who knew what she wanted when she decided to have three beautiful children with her ex while I was still in high school.

Years ago, I had a feeling that I would never want children. I definitely knew that I would not be the one to birth them. I never and to this day still do not have that “Oooh, I want to make a baby” urge. I do not want to wait 9 months, carrying a baby in my womb and feel it grow inside me. Perhaps that has to do with my gender identity as being a tomboy or perhaps I just do not have that urge. I never really did even as a child. I would always play house as the provider. I’m happy for my friends who want to have kids and ultimately decide to take that courageous leap towards parenthood.

I’m not sure if I do not want kids of my own because I feel that I have lost the genetic lottery with some health problems I am battling or if it’s just lack of maternal instinct, or simply because I just want to change and impact the world in different ways. Perhaps it’s a combination of all of the above.

When I first began seeing my girlfriend, my instincts told me to cut and run because I wasn’t ready to handle acting like a second parent when I still have my own things to deal with and dreams that are waiting to be achieved. I fell hard for my girlfriend, and it was more intense than any connection I’ve felt with someone. We talk about everything. We share everything. We have incredible intimacy. We are both intuitive care givers so we both try to care for the other on our bad days and celebrate on the great days. I have not had the level of intimacy and care in past relationships that I have had in this one. I feel like I have a spring in my step. I melt and feel my heart skip a beat when I hear her laugh. Her smile is contagious.

Her kids are great. I always hear, “You missed dinner the other night. Where were you?” and get hugs. They always ask me to colour with them, watch videos on YouTube etc or go do things outside.

We still have to approach the issue of telling her children about our relationship. Some of them are old enough to understand what’s going on. The kids watch Glee and know that gay people are the same as any other person (which is great). My girlfriend has told them that I am gay. The kids know that I stay over quite often but it doesn’t seem to be an issue to them.

I was worried that it was going to be an issue to them seeing as I am a woman and I didn’t know how they would react to that. My girlfriend has raised them to accept other people and be compassionate even if they might have differences which is so great to hear. I have dated the odd woman in the past who had a child, but it was usually only one child. The other parent was usually in the picture and the kids would often be taken by the dad occasionally. This is a bit different. My girlfriend is a single mom, so the kids are with her 24/7 (unless at school). This makes things interesting when it comes to children coming into the room unannounced, or needing time from their mom. I am learning the boundaries of a different sort of relationship and it is a bit of a learning curve. But I love my girlfriend, and I am beginning to also have feelings for the other three people in my girlfriend’s life.

It’s a different kind of love. It’s one that I was not anticipating, but I am liking this different kind of life and I find that I miss it when I don’t see them all for several days.

Let Me be Straight With You: “This is my friend. She’s gay.”

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Sometimes I shake my head.

How many times have I heard this in the past? Some people have no tact. Some people think that somehow everyone must know my orientation when I am introduced to them by one of my friends. In the past I have had to pull aside my friends and tell them, “Look, I appreciate that you accept me for me. But please do not introduce me as your gay friend. I am a person. I am (insert name here). That’s it. If it’s my wish to tell people that I am gay, then I will tell them.”

Tell the world that I like chicks. Please.

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(PhotoCredit: troll)

I had this chat with another friend the other day. I do not encounter this situation as often anymore; Now that I’m getting a bit older people seem to have some sort of tact and at least do not discuss this in front of me when they discuss me to their friends.

It’s not that I’m closeted. In fact, I’m not. I’m out. I’m not ashamed of being gay anymore. I’m open and people that know me, know that I’m gay. Granted, I’m not “Ellen open” because let’s face it, I’m pretty sure the whole world knows at this point. That’s what happens when you’re a celebrity and it’s broadcast around the globe.

Straight people don’t introduce their friends like this: “This is my friend Bob, and he has sex with women.” That’s basically what you’re doing when you introduce me as your gay friend. Why can’t I just be your friend? And add the full period stop, and cut.

My sexual orientation is not the most interesting news of the day or your day. It is not news to be broadcast. I am not your pet. I am not your play thing or your five o’clock news. In fact, after several years of living life as an open lesbian, I have learned that in a world that still sees heterosexuality as the norm that I will have to come out as being gay for the rest of my life because it is news to people. For me it is a reality. It is a price I pay for living honestly. It is worth it in the end because I will be true to myself. But I don’t disclose my sexual orientation to everyone I meet because I don’t see it as necessary and sometimes I just don’t see you as being worth the effort (not everyone is pleasant to people who identify as having a sexual orientation other than heterosexuality). I just want to be able to come out on my own, on my own terms rather than people immediately thinking of how I have sex before they get to know me as a person. My sexual orientation is only part of my identity as a person. I am me.

Image(PhotoCredit: Rlv ZCache)

Lesbians and the Uhaul

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What do lesbians bring on a second date? I think I hear the screech of a uhaul’s brakes. The stereotype that lesbians bring a uhaul to the second date stems from the fact that women tend to move fast when they date other women. I’m not sure why this happens. Perhaps our emotional bonds with other women burn on overdrive and we become attached once we find out we have things in common, have the same social expectations, and similar experiences. We fall head over heels, profess our love and talk about the future because we are… well women.

Women talk about everything from our thoughts, our feelings, and our goals, to our dreams and failures. When you get two who decide to date, fall in love over a period of time over lattes shared and erotic sex sessions that leave you reeling, feelings are bound to form. Men (many that I know) tend to hold back on these tidbits of information. I’m not sure if it’s because women are socialized from birth to take care of others and give into their emotions more than men but it’s interesting to contemplate.

I am getting off topic though. In the past I have contemplated the lesbian uhaul stereotype and if it applies to me. In my every day life I like to work, pursue creative hobbies and see my friends. A few days a week I will see my girlfriend.  I am finding that my current relationship moved fairly quickly. I’m not sure if it’s because I fell harder and love this woman more or if it’s another reason altogether.  I have barely slept in my own bed for the past couple months that we’ve been seeing one another. My girlfriend offered me space in her room to put things such as clothes and toiletries so I’m set for when I stay over. Am I becoming a lesbian who fits the stereotype? Maybe.

When I told her of the stereotype a month ago, she laughed at me and told me it was silly that gay culture had so many rules and stereotypes. When I jokingly asked if she was asking me to uhaul this month she told me she just wanted me to know that she wanted me to feel at home. I have told her that I am not ready to make the serious move into her place this early on (we’ve dated less than two months), but that I will consider it in the future.  I am not ready to give up my identity as a 20 something woman living life and pursuing art in my free time. I feel that I will lose my identity if I do that at this point in time.  As long as I keep communication lines open about my needs and wants, just as she does then I feel we’ll be ok.

uhaulNo, I am not in this photo. Nor is my girlfriend.

(Photo credit: FeministDating )

I am gay, but this introverted artist is not ready for the uhaul. The number to the uhaul company is somewhere in my mind but I’m not sure where. When I’m ready I’ll recall the number and uhaul will gain another lesbian requiring their services. Until then uhaul…

10 Myths about Lesbians

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Growing up, I had never seen a lesbian.

I didn’t know how they looked, acted or what it was like to live as one. I had never even heard of the term lesbian or gay till some time in elementary school or high school.  I grew up watching two channels, and reading books from the library. I did not grow up reading 50 Shades of Grey or other sexy books like those teens growing up now a days seem to, but there was the occasional heterosexual teen romance fiction novel that I bought. I did not have Ellen. I did not have Glee. I had no access to anything gay until I heard about a lesbian character in Friends and then Will and Grace came around just as I was going into high school. A few of my friends came out to me in high school and against the wishes of my family I continued to spend time and hang out with them. I didn’t see anything wrong with it, they were my friends after all. They’d been there in my childhood and as a teen that wasn’t going to change who they were.

Today I’m going to talk about 10 myths that gay women face. Some of these myths were things I once thought too until I realized that I was in fact gay as well. They are in no particular order.

(Photo Credit: Someecards)

My personal favourite:
1. Which one of you is the man in the relationship? 
This is generally asked by heterosexual men but I have been asked by some heterosexual women as well. As Ellen DeGeneres puts it, “That’s like asking which one is the chopstick and which is the fork.” Both people in the relationship are of the same sex. There is no man in a lesbian relationship. But if you’re asking who “wears the pants”, well by this point, you should know that even in heterosexual relationships, gender does not imply ones ability to wear the pants or not wear the pants. Women or men can wear the pants. This isn’t the 50s. We don’t have to adhere to strict gender stereotypes.

2. You’re gay? You don’t look gay?
Oh… Maybe I should um work on that so people can tell? I don’t understand why people think I should adhere to a strict image of what they deem to look gay to appease them or fit the mold of what being gay “looks like”. Perhaps this question is born out of curiousity or plain ignorance but this needs some education to shine the lights on things that aren’t normally discussed. When this is discussed, I sometimes respond with sarcasm, and sometimes I ask them what gay looks like to them, then I work on breaking down the myths so that the one posing the question can open their mind a bit more and realize not all gay women fit stereotypes.

3. Lesbians uses dildos and other sex toys to fill the void of men. It’s not real sex unless there’s a penis.
FALSE. There are many ways to have sex, fuck and make love. Please get your brain out of your glutes. Not all sex needs to have a penis involved, sorry to burst your bubble.

4. Do butch lesbians always date femme lesbians? Why don’t femme lesbians date men?
Not all butch or more masculine lesbians date femme lesbians. Femme lesbians don’t always date butch women. They can be attracted to whoever takes their fancy, be it butch women, androgynous women, fellow femmes and even those lesbians that don’t categorize themselves into gender specific categories. Lesbians date lesbians; this means that sapphic women date other women who are also interested in women. Heterosexual women and some bisexual women date men.

5. Lesbians hate men.
Not all of us hate men. I know some nice gentlemen. I dislike how some men treat women and question me incessantly about things I do not wish to discuss regarding sexual orientation and that is when the bitchy lesbian rears her head from the recesses of my mind and gives him a word or two. But if a guy isn’t ignorant and sexually harassing me, and pushing my buttons, then I’m cool with him. Don’t be an asshole, it’s not a good look for you.

6. Lesbians are attracted to all women
This is a funny one that I discovered when I began coming out. Sometimes, when you come out to a fellow woman, they become uncomfortable. You can see how uncomfortable she is with the conversation in the way her eyes widen and search for the door, and the way she puts distance between you and tries to not make it look too obvious.
Yes, sometimes lesbians are attracted to women, but not all of them, just as you are not attracted to all members of the sex you are interested in. We have standards and our own likes and attractions. We won’t act on all of them obviously, but we are looking for love too, and generally bisexual and lesbian women fit the bill (at least for me). Even if we are attracted to you and let you know, be flattered and leave it at that, the same way you’d respond if a guy told you he was interested in you.

7. You’re just waiting for the right guy to come along. Lucky me!
Um… no. I am not gay for pay like the women in pornos. I am not gay to attract men who witness me holding my girlfriend’s hand, or giving her a bit of affection in public. We do not make out in public, but the odd kiss here and there is nice. If that is how you feel about trying to inject yourself into a lesbian relationship, maybe you should grow some real balls and go to a class teaching respect and morals. Lesbians truly fall in love and sleep with other women. Perhaps you have been watching too much heterosexual porn with the actresses in their sexy lingerie and long (eeek) finger nails where they get all excited for the man to come in and join their party.

8. All lesbians are fat and ugly. 
Really? Do you know any lesbians? We do not always fit into certain boxes. Some of us are larger. Some of us are smaller. We fit every body shape and size just as anyone of any other sexual orientation. We are not ugly. Be more considerate of others. Everyone regardless of their race or sexual orientation fits every size and has different appearances.

9. Lesbians have short hair
Some do. Not all do, that’s a bit of an exaggerated generalization. I like my short hair. I consider myself to be a lesbian who identifies as slightly masculine but that’s more where I fall on the gender spectrum, not the sexual orientation spectrum. I do not usually wear button down plaid shirts and drive a pick up truck, but I wear graphic t-shirts, sweaters, long sleeve shirts, jeans, sneakers etc most of the time. You get the picture.

10. Lesbians just need to shove their lifestyle down our throats
Excuse me? Whoa… I do not want to shove my… wait, so by living my life openly and honestly that’s shoving it in your face? I have grown up seeing heterosexual relationships my entire life, people holding hands, falling in love, dating, etc and I do not consider that being shoved down my throat. I just want to live my life according to who I am sexually attracted to. Where is your mind anyway?

There are many more myths and stereotypes I could add, but I will leave that for another day.

Lesbros and the friend zone

Sounds sort of like a toy company doesn’t it? Hasbro, lesbro…

Lesbro is the term that is given to the best guy friend of a lesbian. Gay men have the depending on how you look at it, offensive sounding “fag hag” label for the best woman friend and lesbians have the “lesbro”.

I won’t give away real names in this blog to protect the identity of the innocent. Jay is my lesbro.

I met Jay at work. I was sketching in my sketch book on one of my breaks and he asked if he could sit at the same table. I’m always up for meeting new friends. He complimented my work which was nice. We got to talking about work, and life. We exchanged numbers and kept in touch. A few nights later he asked me out for dinner and I was hesitant. Did he think this was a possible date? Or was this just as friends?

When we went out for dinner, I could tell he was being funny and attempting to flirt. It’s flattering to be flirted with from anyone of any gender, but I began realizing that I had to tell him that I was attracted to women. I kept putting it off for a few more times of hanging out with him. My friends told him to tell him sooner because this guy had feelings too.

I dropped the news when I told him I was going to attend Pride. He didn’t quite understand what the big deal about Pride was but when I explained to him how I felt and that Pride was like a big celebration of being true to yourself surrounded by people who understood you, with similar stories about hardship, love and courage. He told me in guy fashion to have fun and go get laid. At the time I was single.

When I returned Jay asked many questions like most people when I tell them the news. He realized that I was indeed attracted to women and that he had been friend zoned because I only saw him as a friend in my eyes. Jay and I grew closer together as buds, and he accepted the perks of our connection. I am like one of the guys, except slightly different. We can go out, check out women, comment on how great women are, watch action/comedy movies, go long boarding and just hang out. Once a guy realizes you’re not interested, and he’s ok with that and still wants to be your friend, it can be smooth sailing. It’s like having a best bud without the drama that sometimes follows having a female friend. Not all women carry drama, but some do and do nothing to get rid of it. Guys seem to have less drama (for the most part) so it’s more relaxing just to kick back and enjoy time with your friend.

This reminds me, I have to spend more time with Jay, I’ve been a bad friend being so busy with work, my hobbies and my girlfriend. He’s been spending time at work and with his new lady friend. I tease him that he’s doing the “lesbian thing” by meeting her parents 3 weeks into a relationship because it seems to be moving so fast. I’m not sure if he’s aware of lesbian stereotypes but it’s fun to educate him on some of them even if they are stereotypes and can’t always be applied. With more education, this world will have less ignorance when it comes to things that exist outside the norm.

Orange is the New Black

In recent months, you may have heard the name of Netflix’s new TV show titled: Orange is the New Black and what a hit it has become. Or maybe you haven’t, in which case you should listen up.

You need to watch this show. This show deals with real life issues that people face, from drug use, crime, racism amongst different races, seedy deeds done to survive (inside and outside prison), and seedy things done to antagonize and control others. It deals with characters that regret the decisions they’ve made and now they have to deal with the consequences of their actions as the years slowly fade past while they’re locked behind bars. Homophobia and trans phobia is also shown. It sheds light on characters with families who are supportive, and some who aren’t. I’ve never been in prison but it also shows what prison life actually looks like, supposedly. I still couldn’t image being thrust into a system where you had no privacy and were treated lower than dirt.

It originates from Piper Kerman’s memoir after she spent a year in a woman’s prison. It follows the character Piper Chapman who was caught 10 years after someone ratted her out for carrying a bag full of drug money for a drug cartel, an offense she thought she had left in her 20s. Now that she has her life on track, she is thrust back into her past, where she must face the consequences of her actions that have finally caught up with her. She must face her fellow prison inmates, many of whom come from lower social classes and therefore feel inferior but treat her harshly because she’s a rich girl in their eyes. Piper must leave her family, good job and fiance Larry on the outside while she serves her time.

Image(Photocredit: bimagazine)

It has characters that have depth and complexity. The characters come from all social classes, are of different ages, different races, and they identify everywhere on the sexual orientation spectrum. It has lesbians, bisexuals, and even a Trans woman who has to go about living life in prison while her wife tries to raise their son by herself on the outside. These are real characters. They could be you, your friend, your sibling, your neighbor. The show sheds light on each of them and they are given a chance to show their back story and how negative decisions shaped their life that landed them in prison. Orange is the New Black is a story about dealing with the consequences of your actions, and trying to dig deep and find yourself.

Here’s the trailer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nryWkAaWjKg

I admit I made an orange shirt emblazoned with one of the quotes from one of the characters. I’ve already watched the show’s season 1 twice. If I find more time this winter, I’ll test to see if three time’s a charm.

Dating Bisexuals

There are rules to being a lesbian, the main is that you date women. Seriously. That’s the rule. Once you come out, you are given a book on the rules to dating and the first rule is that you must date women. It’s like a commandment. (For those who aren’t familiar with my sense of humour, that was sarcasm.)

You may find that you have a type of woman that you prefer to date. Some lesbians prefer to date feminine women, others butch or more masculine types. I have found that I do not necessarily have “a type”. My dating history suggests that I prefer to date more feminine women than me, but I have dated and been attracted to women who identify with the feminine, masculine and everything in between type.

As a lesbian you may find you are attracted to women who are straight (gah, the dreaded straight woman-more on that in another blog post). You may also find yourself head over heels for the bisexual or bicurious women. In my mind, the bisexual woman and the bicurious woman fit into two different categories. The difference here is that the bicurious woman is exploring her sexuality and does not know what she wants but she is curious to find out and wants to experiment to see where she fits in sexual spectrum. The bisexual woman has more than likely fallen for, had sexual girl crushes, some flings or partners of both sexes.

Bisexuality is the sexual orientation that falls anywhere in between being heterosexual and homosexual. I will speak about Kinsey Theory in the future.

Being a woman who is attracted to the same sex, it can be difficult to distinguish which partners will be suitable for you. After all, being openly gay is not an easy life to lead and not every female you are attracted to will be attracted to other women. You have to come out to everyone you are close to (of course you can always choose to remain closeted in various aspects of your life); Ultimately if you want to be happy you have to come out to certain people in you life being everyone in your micro circle–ie: those who you are close to in order to feel some sense of security and fulfillment.

You have to learn and gain some sense of gaydar to filter out the women who are playing with your heart or those wishing to put on a show for their boyfriends in order to get to the women that are mutually attracted to you. Some of the women you will find a mutual attraction and connection with, may be bisexual. From my point of view, because I had relationships with women who played with my heart and then tossed me to the curb because they were going through a phase, bisexuals gained a bad rep. I knew that they either weren’t ready to come out as being bisexual or they were curious and just experimenting. I know I’m not the only lesbian to feel this way, in fact I think bisexuals gain a bad rep from the lesbians because of this common reason that they are used and then go back to being a “normal” member of society.

When I first started dating my current girlfriend, my friends said everything from, “Oh you turned her to our side”, “Is she gay?”, “Aren’t you afraid she’ll go find a man?” to “You didn’t fall for a bisexual did you?”

Ouch, I could feel the sting that my girlfriend might feel. No I did not intend to fall in love with a woman who identifies with being bisexual. The past few years I have also tried to date women who strictly identified with being strictly on the sapphic side of the rainbow because I know what it’s like falling for a woman who ultimately decides that it’s easier to be with a man in the fact that their relationship would be accepted by family and society as a whole. When my girlfriend asked how my friends reacted to hearing that I’d fallen for her, I was hesitant to tell her the truth. When I told her what some of them said, I could sense she was a bit hurt. Her response was, “Well that may be the case, but I’m also worried that you might find a woman who is better than me as well.”

ImagePhotocredit: AfterEllen)

That makes sense. We all have insecurities. If we let these insecurities cloud our lives, how are we going to live life to the fullest? My advice as a lesbian: Be careful with your heart, but don’t let that stop you from dating women who are bisexual. They have feelings too and as my girlfriend put it, I could always run off with another woman. Being gay means I fall for women. Being bisexual means that she has the ability to fall in love with a woman or a man, she just happened to pick me. Love is love.

The Confessions of a Lesbian

I knew my life would be different when I first came to terms with my sexual orientation. I wasn’t sure how much different it would be but as days have blurred and the years have flown by I realized that there’s a whole other side of living and what it means to be a human being when you’re true to yourself and stand outside what most would consider the norm.

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Living as an openly gay woman comes with a whole other side of socialization which encompasses how you live, play, work, date, love and are perceived in the world.

This is my niche. This is my life. This is my point of view. Here I will share some of my experiences, debunk myths about being gay, shed light on the truths of which are sometimes ugly and other times hilarious.

If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to comment or contact me.

This is my space. All the posts in this blog are from my point of view. Welcome to my confessional blog about living my life.

Is being gay a choice? Is sexual orientation a choice?

Life is full of potential and possibility. If you open yourself up to the things that are open to you, the world can be your oyster. It may not be easy, but you can get to where you want to get based on the choices you make. You make choices on what to eat. You make choices on what you want to wear. You make choices on what you want to take in post secondary school. You make choices on if you even want to attend post secondary.

You do not get to choose your family members. You do not get to choose your handedness (if you are left or right handed). You do not get to choose the colour of your skin. You do not get to choose where you were born or who you were born to. You do not get to choose what colour your eyes are naturally.

You do not get to choose your sexual orientation either. This can be debated of course and I have had many debates with people over this, but they are coming from the fact that heterosexuality is the norm and anything differing from that is abnormal and a choice. My question to them is, did you choose to be heterosexual? Did you realize growing up that you were the same as all the other children in that you liked the opposite sex or did you actually choose to like the opposite sex? Did you get a choice?

I didn’t get a choice to liking the same sex. I made the choice for years to try to force myself to feel sexually attracted to and head over heals for men. I tried for so long to be one of the kids who was deemed “normal”. I dated boys, most of whom were very kind and some who bordered on chivalrous — ie: the perfect gentleman. Something didn’t click like it did with my female friends and their boyfriends. Nothing clicked when I was with the boys I dated. My heart wasn’t a flutter for the boys or men I dated. I didn’t get sexually excited or anticipate meeting up with them. In my eyes, they were like my best friends, but I had little sexual attraction to them while my eyes and heart wandered in the direction of my female friends.

Every person is different of course. Some people may be attracted to the opposite sex, some the same sex, and some may be attracted to either. Some people who do not understand sexual orientations or sexuality keep stating that it is a choice and that gay people do choose their orientation to be attracted to the same sex. My questions for them are as follows:
-When did you choose to be heterosexual?
-Why do you think that someone would choose to be discriminated against?
-Why do you think someone would want to make their life harder if it meant being hated/misunderstood by some people?
-Why does it even matter to you who a stranger dates, loves or sleeps with as long as its between consenting adults?
-Shouldn’t two consenting adults have the right to a life of happiness together?
-What scares or makes you uncomfortable about any sexuality other than heterosexuality?

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This is been my confession. I didn’t get to choose the sex I was attracted to. If you look at your life closely, I don’t think you really get to choose who you’re attracted to either. Sure you can force things with someone but it will likely make you miserable. And that’s no way to live. I didn’t choose to be gay, but I made a choice to be happy.