There are rules to being a lesbian, the main is that you date women. Seriously. That’s the rule. Once you come out, you are given a book on the rules to dating and the first rule is that you must date women. It’s like a commandment. (For those who aren’t familiar with my sense of humour, that was sarcasm.)
You may find that you have a type of woman that you prefer to date. Some lesbians prefer to date feminine women, others butch or more masculine types. I have found that I do not necessarily have “a type”. My dating history suggests that I prefer to date more feminine women than me, but I have dated and been attracted to women who identify with the feminine, masculine and everything in between type.
As a lesbian you may find you are attracted to women who are straight (gah, the dreaded straight woman-more on that in another blog post). You may also find yourself head over heels for the bisexual or bicurious women. In my mind, the bisexual woman and the bicurious woman fit into two different categories. The difference here is that the bicurious woman is exploring her sexuality and does not know what she wants but she is curious to find out and wants to experiment to see where she fits in sexual spectrum. The bisexual woman has more than likely fallen for, had sexual girl crushes, some flings or partners of both sexes.
Bisexuality is the sexual orientation that falls anywhere in between being heterosexual and homosexual. I will speak about Kinsey Theory in the future.
Being a woman who is attracted to the same sex, it can be difficult to distinguish which partners will be suitable for you. After all, being openly gay is not an easy life to lead and not every female you are attracted to will be attracted to other women. You have to come out to everyone you are close to (of course you can always choose to remain closeted in various aspects of your life); Ultimately if you want to be happy you have to come out to certain people in you life being everyone in your micro circle–ie: those who you are close to in order to feel some sense of security and fulfillment.
You have to learn and gain some sense of gaydar to filter out the women who are playing with your heart or those wishing to put on a show for their boyfriends in order to get to the women that are mutually attracted to you. Some of the women you will find a mutual attraction and connection with, may be bisexual. From my point of view, because I had relationships with women who played with my heart and then tossed me to the curb because they were going through a phase, bisexuals gained a bad rep. I knew that they either weren’t ready to come out as being bisexual or they were curious and just experimenting. I know I’m not the only lesbian to feel this way, in fact I think bisexuals gain a bad rep from the lesbians because of this common reason that they are used and then go back to being a “normal” member of society.
When I first started dating my current girlfriend, my friends said everything from, “Oh you turned her to our side”, “Is she gay?”, “Aren’t you afraid she’ll go find a man?” to “You didn’t fall for a bisexual did you?”
Ouch, I could feel the sting that my girlfriend might feel. No I did not intend to fall in love with a woman who identifies with being bisexual. The past few years I have also tried to date women who strictly identified with being strictly on the sapphic side of the rainbow because I know what it’s like falling for a woman who ultimately decides that it’s easier to be with a man in the fact that their relationship would be accepted by family and society as a whole. When my girlfriend asked how my friends reacted to hearing that I’d fallen for her, I was hesitant to tell her the truth. When I told her what some of them said, I could sense she was a bit hurt. Her response was, “Well that may be the case, but I’m also worried that you might find a woman who is better than me as well.”
That makes sense. We all have insecurities. If we let these insecurities cloud our lives, how are we going to live life to the fullest? My advice as a lesbian: Be careful with your heart, but don’t let that stop you from dating women who are bisexual. They have feelings too and as my girlfriend put it, I could always run off with another woman. Being gay means I fall for women. Being bisexual means that she has the ability to fall in love with a woman or a man, she just happened to pick me. Love is love.