So you’ve got this girl that you’ve been eyeing at a live band show, concert, work, your coffee shop, or other location. How do you know that she’s into you you may ask? I have to say that I found it incredibly easier to date men when I knew that they were into me, even though I knew I wasn’t interested in them (I went through a period of serious blatant denial that lasted years). But when it came to women, I had a tougher time distinguishing and separating being friendly and flirting. I have come to realize that some female friendships also involve flirting on a playful level and the parties don’t even have to identify as bisexual or lesbian-this is when it gets confusing for those of us who are interested in them.
So based on my experience, I will give you the signs (that I’ve learned) that she’s into you. It doesn’t always work but these are some of the best ways of knowing.
1. Eye contact:
Eye contact is one of the best forms of communication we have as human beings. It’s used to convey emotions, intentions, and it’s used for other things that we need such as seeing and perceiving our world. When it comes to relationships, friendships or otherwise, eye contact is great to convey how you feel about someone. Have you ever noticed that you tend to look at your friends a little less than if you looked at someone that you had a crush on or someone that you love? When she’s into you she may lock eyes with you longer than she would anyone else, and her eyes might come alive. Or she may do the opposite, realize you locked eyes with her at the same time and nervously avert her eyes and seem embarassed.
How is she standing or sitting in relation to you when you’re communicating? Is she facing you with arms at sides, arms crossed. Is she trying to sit closer to you or move her hand closer to yours? When she’s into you she’ll try to close the gap/distance between you both and sit or stand close to you in any way possible. If she’s not into you, she’ll turn away slightly or stand a bit further away from you. Body language is key.
Does she seem nervous or playful when talking with you? Both can indicate that she might be flirting or interested in you. This is more true when she acts different around you than she does her friends or other people she knows.
4. How does she feel about gay or LGBT topics?
Bring up something gay related in the news. Bring up the topics of the L word, Tegan and Sara or other LGBT topics and feel her out on these subjects. If she seems to not really understand what you’re discussing, then it’s possible she doesn’t play for your team. If she does know what you’re talking about, great! There’s a better chance that she’ s tolerant, and at least accepting.
Is she a touchy feely person by nature? You know what I mean and you might have even had a friend that could be considered touchy feely. Does she openly express herself using touch to everyone she meets and is the same to you? This scenario might be difficult to distinguish. But if she’s touchy feely with everyone else, but not with you that might be an indication that she’s interested because she doesn’t know how to be around you.
If she closes the distance between you with her body or her hand and you find her getting close and touching you or your hair in a gentle way she may be flirting with you and letting you know she’s interested.
6. Let her know that you’re gay/bi!
If you are brave enough or know her well enough, casually get a conversation going, and drop something about an ex girlfriend or mention, “That woman is hot. I wish I could date her”, or something along those lines. That way she will get a general idea that you are interested in women and she won’t have to do the dance of trying to guess your sexual orientation which is a good thing because she’ll be more up for flirting if she’s interested as well.
I hope these tips help if you’re wondering if she’s into you. If you have anything to add to this list, feel free to post in the comments!