First World Lesbian Problems

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1. Sharing a closet
I filled a closet before settling down with my fiancee. She filled a closet before I moved in. We were both forced to downsize. It’s still a full closet even with closet organizers. Trying to sort it out was painful.

2. Sharing bathrooms
We try to use separate bathrooms but with three kids, things get mixed up. Hair products and toothpastes go missing often. That’s just something we live with. Communication is key here. This is also why we buy toothpaste and toothbrushes from the dollar store.

3. I get mistaken for Cee’s daughter
This has happened more than once or twice. Sometimes when we go out, people ask if I am Cee’s daughter. This could be due to the fact that I am half a foot shorter than Cee or our age differences. Never the less I cannot seem to win on this one. Maybe when I’m older and more wrinkly this problem will solve itself. Hm.

4. You get asked, “Who’s the man?”
There is no man in the relationship, that’s the point… if I wanted a man, I’d be with a man. I think the point people try to get in this question is, “Who is top or bottom?”, which if asked to a heterosexual couple would likely be met with raised eyebrows or some swear words.

5. Trolling for books
You have to decide whether or not you will troll for Sarah Water’s books and be labelled a lesbian, or troll for books in the other sections and asked why you’re there.

6. PMS
It happens. Sometimes there is shark week in the house for two weeks, sometimes you sync up to your partner and it lands on the same day.

7. Discussing crushes
When your friends, who may happen to be heterosexual, discuss their manly crushes, you zone out and begin dreaming of Robert Downey Jr, Colin FarrellEllen Page. Emma Watson. Cute. But it can make you feel a little left out at times.

8. When your car breaks down
Agh. Your car’s light went on, so you go consult the manual, then you remember that despite the stereotype you are not the lesbian who knows how to fix a car. Facepalm.

9. Tactfully discussing your private life at work
This is something I go by with my gut. I am starting to share my life now, because anti bullying rules were recently put in place where I work to show how serious managers are about staff feeling safe and welcome. I could have used this new rule at my old places of work where I did not feel welcome by the snotty 40+ aged women who spoke as if they were fresh out of high school. But now that my new places of work are welcoming, I am finding it easier to speak about my life, even with a few of my older clients.

10. Straight men..
Who want to bang you. I am not a piece of meat. And I am gay. Please respect that just like you. It’s likely you don’t want to be shagged by a gay man.

11. Shopping
For some of us, the mall is a vortex of pain and shame. We don’t fully fit mens or androgynous clothes yet we try to wear them because that’s what we feel comfortable wearing. Then you sometimes get odd looks from the teenager who folds clothes at the store, but you have to look past them. Grab that shirt you love and get out of there. I always tell Cee, she’ll find me in the camera, tea, or book store.

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It’s a gay life after all..

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It seems like some people have pictures in their mind on what it’s like to be different types of people. I think this goes for people of different races, cultures, and those in different careers. We use these ideas and ideals on how things (might/could) work to make sense of our world. We base these things on our experiences and things we’ve been told. These can form stereotypes or ideas on what it means to be a part of a subculture, culture, gender or race.

Sometimes these things can be hurtful to me. I sometimes find they can be amusing and sometimes they aren’t worth provoking a reaction for.

I have a deep and fulfilling connection with my girlfriend. We connect on all levels. Our relationship is based on mutual love, trust, respect and support. There are no things that I feel the need to hide from her, unlike some of my relationships I have had in my past. I feel so blessed knowing that we are part of a unit and team. She won’t judge me and I won’t judge her.

Well the other day we were discussing the lives of lesbians. I am the first woman my girlfriend has dated. Although she falls in love with the person, she has just never fallen in love with a woman before. She was saying that her friends were so surprised that the lives of lesbians weren’t so over the top. I asked what she meant. I think she was basically saying that some people think that the lesbians have a more wild and kinky sex lives than the average person, with more threesomes, possible swinging and less vanilla (if you know what I’m saying.)

I was surprised at hearing this. Maybe this is why people have such issues with gay people? If we as a group are perceived by shows like “Queer as Folk” or “The Lword” then I suppose I can understand where these preconceived images are coming from. I’m not sure on what it’s like being gay elsewhere in the world or if it’s more wild and kinky in other parts of the world but where I come from – or rather where I currently live there is a small gay scene but we don’t line up and swap each other around faster than one showers. These images, while amusing because I know the people who had them would not be amusing to someone who is ignorant to what it’s like living a “gay lifestyle”. (I hate that term lifestyle. More on that topic another day.) But education is key. If we are to shatter the stereotypes that are damaging and can at times cause hatred on an intolerable level (in some parts of the world more than others), we need to educate people on how we simply want to live, love and laugh. We don’t want to indoctrinate children or convert people “to our side”. We don’t want to take away religious freedoms from those that believe in religion (by the way, some gay people are religious). We just want to live and have the freedom to do so.

Our partners in the GLBT community may look different in that they are at times same-sex partnerships but other than that, there are no differences.

We all want to live, love, hope, dream, and have support in a partner don’t we? That’s all I want. If that’s gay, so be it.

Lesbians love sports and the Super Bowl

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Well not all of them. I can’t say I’ve ever fit the stereotype that some people seem to hold that states that their idea of a lesbian likes sports and manly hobbies.

Ever since I was little I prefered to climb trees and do my share of outdoor activities like hiking and hunting with my dad. I did not however have much interest in sports. PE was not my favourite subject. When it was my turn to kick the ball, I missed or lacked coordination. When the ball was coming towards me, I ducked, or made sure to get the heck out of the way.

I am more of an artistic and creative person in my hobbies. Therefore, when my girlfriend mentioned the Super bowl, my reaction was, “Oh yeah. Ok.” She raised her eyebrows and ask if I was coming to the Super Bowl party that was one of her friends were hosting. It was supposed to be a small shindig with just their family and ours. I told her I wasn’t really into sports and it didn’t really interest me. But I agreed to go for the company, commercials, [cheerleaders] and food.

I admit I did have fun. I didn’t really understand what was going on during the game but the rules were explained to me. Aside from the fact that it appeared that the Broncos weren’t even trying, it seemed like a good game for the Seahawks. I settled into a food coma right before half-time and had a short nap.

All in all it wasn’t bad. It’s not really my thing, but I enjoyed the social company, the food and watching the funny commercials. I guess I’m not really “that” lesbian. I don’t fit that stereotype of what some people think a gay woman looks like, and that my friends, is ok.

When you have androgynous hair

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When I was growing up, I always considered myself as a tomboy. Although I did not enjoy sports like most tomboys generally do, I dressed like a tomboy and was squeemish of all things pink and frilly. I think gender is something that children are socialized with as they grow up in order to control how society functions. Some females feel very feminine, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they feel like being feminine some days and masculine other days. I think the same should go for men, although I don’t think it’s as easy for men to be seen as feminine because they would be seen as unmanly and get a lot of flack from men who see them as unworthy. I think that needs to change. I think it is changing though as our world begins to accept a diverse range of people in this world.

It has been awhile since I was called sir. I have had my hair cut into a faux hawk and funky pixie in the past. At the moment it is a bit more of a shag. I wear makeup on occasion. I don’t dress very feminine but I wouldn’t say that I would be considered butch either. Some people may know what I’m talking about. I am comfortable being me.

Today of all days (I was wearing foundation, eye makeup etc which I don’t usually go to town with), I was addressed as sir. I’m not sure if the lady wasn’t paying attention or she just thought that I was a male. Maybe she’s never run into someone who doesn’t adhere to strict gender guidelines. I’m not sure. I corrected her politely and she profusely apologized and wished me happy holidays.

To be honest though, I feel like my gender changes depending on the day. I know not all lesbians (or even some of those who identify as heterosexual), feel this way, but I do. Sometimes being addressed as the opposite sex happens when one portrays themselves as the other sex or somewhere in between the two sexes in how they dress themselves or show themselves to the public. I’ve learned to accept it and not take it as an offense.

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(Photo Credit: Media AppAppeal)

The world is not a black and white puzzle. It is a mosiac. Find your own niche where you belong.

10 Things NOT to say to a lesbian

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There are more than 10 things every lesbian detests hearing. I’m going to say again, that I do not stand for every lesbian, therefore my opinions are my own. But I do know that I am not the only lesbian that has faced hearing the things I’m about to discuss and talk about. Some of these things make my blood curdle and I sometimes have an Ally McBeal moment where I picture the one who said said statement being slapped or disappearing through a trap door in the floor.

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(Photo Credit: TrendsUpdates)

They are in no particular order.

1. You must have been hurt by a guy.
I’m not sure why people (mainly guys) think that women are attracted to other women because they were hurt by a man. Let me flip this around for you. If you’re a guy, and you were hurt by women in the past, does that make you want to “switch” teams and fall in love with men? Not likely.

2. You’re too pretty to be gay.
Please let me smash a stereotype for you. Not all women who are gay or in a same sex relationship would fit into the ‘ugly’ category according to you. Don’t objectify us in a form of pseudo flattery. This statement means that you thought all lesbians or women who liked other women were ugly? Where has your mind been? Gay women are not gay because they think they’re ugly and can’t snatch a man. They’re gay because they have the same sexual and romantic responses that you do towards the opposite sex.

3. Can I watch you and your girlfriend?
I can be found with a scowl whenever I hear this. Yes, heterosexual male, please let me put myself on a pedestal while you film us with instagram or our iPhone. I’m not a sex object. I am not an object you can jerk off to. I am not a third wheel looking to join your heterosexual relationship as a third wheel either. Go back to your heterosexual “lesbian” porn. I love myself more than being your sex object.

4. You are living in sin. You need to repent and come back to heterosexuality.
I personally do not adhere to any religion for the reason that I find hypocrisy to outnumber the good qualities that religions hold. But that is not what I wish to get into. If you choose to believe in religion that is great. Please do not tell me that a part of who I am is wholly evil. We are all human. We all do bad and good things. Homosexuality is not evil, it is simply a part of me just as heterosexuality is a part of you.

5. Don’t flaunt your gay lifestyle at me
Please calm down sir or mam. I am bombarded by heterosexual images and have been since I was born. Is heterosexuality a lifestyle or is it just a part of you? If I am just me and holding my girlfriend’s hand in public, that is the same as you holding your opposite sex partner’s hand in public. You are just being ignorant. Gay is not a lifestyle, it is a sexual orientation.

6. When straight men say: “You don’t have real sex. You should try me.”
This one makes me laugh. What is real sex? Sex to me involves intimacy, and things done in the bedroom to (generally) lead to climax. You don’t think two females can do that by getting creative and using what they have or shopping online? If they are in love leave them alone.

7. You can’t be gay. Your relationship doesn’t lead to procreation.
I’m sure there are enough people to procreate the world. If you haven’t noticed it is already overpopulated several times over. There’s always adoption options, surrogacy and invitro. And for some people maybe they don’t want kids. A relationship and family is not only about having children whether the couple is homosexual, or heterosexual.

8. I can’t be your friend. You might flirt with me. 
To the heterosexual women: Oh hun, if I was interested I would let you know, but I’m not interested in bigots. To the men: I’m sure heterosexual men feel the same way when they think of the fact that a gay man might treat them the way they treat women.

9. Wow. Being gay sounds so much fun. I wish I was gay. 
This is sometimes said by well meaning females but really I don’t think they’ve thought this subject through. Homophobia still runs rampant throughout the world, even in countries where same sex marriages or civil unions are legalized. We have to even worry about countries we travel to because same sex couples aren’t safe in some countries as heterosexual couples would be. I don’t think you’d like to wish being bullied, harassed by homophobes, outcasted or sometimes have to worry about your safety because of who you love. Why would you wish that?

10. ?
Well I left this one blank. If anyone has something to add do so.