Is being gay a choice? Is sexual orientation a choice?

Life is full of potential and possibility. If you open yourself up to the things that are open to you, the world can be your oyster. It may not be easy, but you can get to where you want to get based on the choices you make. You make choices on what to eat. You make choices on what you want to wear. You make choices on what you want to take in post secondary school. You make choices on if you even want to attend post secondary.

You do not get to choose your family members. You do not get to choose your handedness (if you are left or right handed). You do not get to choose the colour of your skin. You do not get to choose where you were born or who you were born to. You do not get to choose what colour your eyes are naturally.

You do not get to choose your sexual orientation either. This can be debated of course and I have had many debates with people over this, but they are coming from the fact that heterosexuality is the norm and anything differing from that is abnormal and a choice. My question to them is, did you choose to be heterosexual? Did you realize growing up that you were the same as all the other children in that you liked the opposite sex or did you actually choose to like the opposite sex? Did you get a choice?

I didn’t get a choice to liking the same sex. I made the choice for years to try to force myself to feel sexually attracted to and head over heals for men. I tried for so long to be one of the kids who was deemed “normal”. I dated boys, most of whom were very kind and some who bordered on chivalrous — ie: the perfect gentleman. Something didn’t click like it did with my female friends and their boyfriends. Nothing clicked when I was with the boys I dated. My heart wasn’t a flutter for the boys or men I dated. I didn’t get sexually excited or anticipate meeting up with them. In my eyes, they were like my best friends, but I had little sexual attraction to them while my eyes and heart wandered in the direction of my female friends.

Every person is different of course. Some people may be attracted to the opposite sex, some the same sex, and some may be attracted to either. Some people who do not understand sexual orientations or sexuality keep stating that it is a choice and that gay people do choose their orientation to be attracted to the same sex. My questions for them are as follows:
-When did you choose to be heterosexual?
-Why do you think that someone would choose to be discriminated against?
-Why do you think someone would want to make their life harder if it meant being hated/misunderstood by some people?
-Why does it even matter to you who a stranger dates, loves or sleeps with as long as its between consenting adults?
-Shouldn’t two consenting adults have the right to a life of happiness together?
-What scares or makes you uncomfortable about any sexuality other than heterosexuality?


This is been my confession. I didn’t get to choose the sex I was attracted to. If you look at your life closely, I don’t think you really get to choose who you’re attracted to either. Sure you can force things with someone but it will likely make you miserable. And that’s no way to live. I didn’t choose to be gay, but I made a choice to be happy.