10 Things NOT to say to a lesbian


There are more than 10 things every lesbian detests hearing. I’m going to say again, that I do not stand for every lesbian, therefore my opinions are my own. But I do know that I am not the only lesbian that has faced hearing the things I’m about to discuss and talk about. Some of these things make my blood curdle and I sometimes have an Ally McBeal moment where I picture the one who said said statement being slapped or disappearing through a trap door in the floor.


(Photo Credit: TrendsUpdates)

They are in no particular order.

1. You must have been hurt by a guy.
I’m not sure why people (mainly guys) think that women are attracted to other women because they were hurt by a man. Let me flip this around for you. If you’re a guy, and you were hurt by women in the past, does that make you want to “switch” teams and fall in love with men? Not likely.

2. You’re too pretty to be gay.
Please let me smash a stereotype for you. Not all women who are gay or in a same sex relationship would fit into the ‘ugly’ category according to you. Don’t objectify us in a form of pseudo flattery. This statement means that you thought all lesbians or women who liked other women were ugly? Where has your mind been? Gay women are not gay because they think they’re ugly and can’t snatch a man. They’re gay because they have the same sexual and romantic responses that you do towards the opposite sex.

3. Can I watch you and your girlfriend?
I can be found with a scowl whenever I hear this. Yes, heterosexual male, please let me put myself on a pedestal while you film us with instagram or our iPhone. I’m not a sex object. I am not an object you can jerk off to. I am not a third wheel looking to join your heterosexual relationship as a third wheel either. Go back to your heterosexual “lesbian” porn. I love myself more than being your sex object.

4. You are living in sin. You need to repent and come back to heterosexuality.
I personally do not adhere to any religion for the reason that I find hypocrisy to outnumber the good qualities that religions hold. But that is not what I wish to get into. If you choose to believe in religion that is great. Please do not tell me that a part of who I am is wholly evil. We are all human. We all do bad and good things. Homosexuality is not evil, it is simply a part of me just as heterosexuality is a part of you.

5. Don’t flaunt your gay lifestyle at me
Please calm down sir or mam. I am bombarded by heterosexual images and have been since I was born. Is heterosexuality a lifestyle or is it just a part of you? If I am just me and holding my girlfriend’s hand in public, that is the same as you holding your opposite sex partner’s hand in public. You are just being ignorant. Gay is not a lifestyle, it is a sexual orientation.

6. When straight men say: “You don’t have real sex. You should try me.”
This one makes me laugh. What is real sex? Sex to me involves intimacy, and things done in the bedroom to (generally) lead to climax. You don’t think two females can do that by getting creative and using what they have or shopping online? If they are in love leave them alone.

7. You can’t be gay. Your relationship doesn’t lead to procreation.
I’m sure there are enough people to procreate the world. If you haven’t noticed it is already overpopulated several times over. There’s always adoption options, surrogacy and invitro. And for some people maybe they don’t want kids. A relationship and family is not only about having children whether the couple is homosexual, or heterosexual.

8. I can’t be your friend. You might flirt with me. 
To the heterosexual women: Oh hun, if I was interested I would let you know, but I’m not interested in bigots. To the men: I’m sure heterosexual men feel the same way when they think of the fact that a gay man might treat them the way they treat women.

9. Wow. Being gay sounds so much fun. I wish I was gay. 
This is sometimes said by well meaning females but really I don’t think they’ve thought this subject through. Homophobia still runs rampant throughout the world, even in countries where same sex marriages or civil unions are legalized. We have to even worry about countries we travel to because same sex couples aren’t safe in some countries as heterosexual couples would be. I don’t think you’d like to wish being bullied, harassed by homophobes, outcasted or sometimes have to worry about your safety because of who you love. Why would you wish that?

10. ?
Well I left this one blank. If anyone has something to add do so.

Is being gay a choice? Is sexual orientation a choice?

Life is full of potential and possibility. If you open yourself up to the things that are open to you, the world can be your oyster. It may not be easy, but you can get to where you want to get based on the choices you make. You make choices on what to eat. You make choices on what you want to wear. You make choices on what you want to take in post secondary school. You make choices on if you even want to attend post secondary.

You do not get to choose your family members. You do not get to choose your handedness (if you are left or right handed). You do not get to choose the colour of your skin. You do not get to choose where you were born or who you were born to. You do not get to choose what colour your eyes are naturally.

You do not get to choose your sexual orientation either. This can be debated of course and I have had many debates with people over this, but they are coming from the fact that heterosexuality is the norm and anything differing from that is abnormal and a choice. My question to them is, did you choose to be heterosexual? Did you realize growing up that you were the same as all the other children in that you liked the opposite sex or did you actually choose to like the opposite sex? Did you get a choice?

I didn’t get a choice to liking the same sex. I made the choice for years to try to force myself to feel sexually attracted to and head over heals for men. I tried for so long to be one of the kids who was deemed “normal”. I dated boys, most of whom were very kind and some who bordered on chivalrous — ie: the perfect gentleman. Something didn’t click like it did with my female friends and their boyfriends. Nothing clicked when I was with the boys I dated. My heart wasn’t a flutter for the boys or men I dated. I didn’t get sexually excited or anticipate meeting up with them. In my eyes, they were like my best friends, but I had little sexual attraction to them while my eyes and heart wandered in the direction of my female friends.

Every person is different of course. Some people may be attracted to the opposite sex, some the same sex, and some may be attracted to either. Some people who do not understand sexual orientations or sexuality keep stating that it is a choice and that gay people do choose their orientation to be attracted to the same sex. My questions for them are as follows:
-When did you choose to be heterosexual?
-Why do you think that someone would choose to be discriminated against?
-Why do you think someone would want to make their life harder if it meant being hated/misunderstood by some people?
-Why does it even matter to you who a stranger dates, loves or sleeps with as long as its between consenting adults?
-Shouldn’t two consenting adults have the right to a life of happiness together?
-What scares or makes you uncomfortable about any sexuality other than heterosexuality?


This is been my confession. I didn’t get to choose the sex I was attracted to. If you look at your life closely, I don’t think you really get to choose who you’re attracted to either. Sure you can force things with someone but it will likely make you miserable. And that’s no way to live. I didn’t choose to be gay, but I made a choice to be happy.